Sunday, August 17, 2014

Living with a Control Freak Is Not Easy

Do you have someone in your life that doesn’t trust your judgment? One who feels they need to control every aspect of your life. If you do, chances are that that someone is a control freak.

My someone, like so many control freaks, has a high opinion of himself. He is obsessive.He easily becomes agitated and will engage in long, loud, and angry one-way arguments (whether there is a reason to be angry or not) over any issue. He is not interested in what I have to say. He talks down to me. He attempts to intimidate by rapidly and loudly talking over anything I attempt to say. If I should be able to make a counterargument that in anyway threatens his argument, he will shut down and not speak to me for days. It’s a behavior demonstrate not just toward me but others as well.

Living with a control freak is not easy or pleasant. I cope by calculating every action I take. I think carefully about any comment before making it, when to bring up an issue, what I want to say, and how to say it. I refrain from asking questions. If I want to do something, I wait until he is not around. If I don't he will tell me how to do it in excruciating detail. Apparently, he believes that I am not capable of doing much of anything. He can be irritating, demeaning, and emotionally abusive. He may attack my character, make accusations, be sarcastic, twist what I say, and try intimidation to force me to act or think his way.

The chances are that you are here because of a problem with someone who is a control freak and are searching for a solution. I have found that the problem doesn’t have a solution, unless, as with any unwanted behavior, the behavior is recognized and there is a desire to change. My control freak does recognize that he is a controlling person and hard to live with, but has said, “I cannot change, it’s just who I am.”

What I have learned is to stay calm, always to be in an adult state of mind, cope with his ranting, and as soon as possible, tactfully remove myself from the situation.

(A version of this article was first published on the Yahoo Contributors Network on January 14, 2013)

Copyright © 2014 Horatio Green